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But Why Not? Why Haven’t I Lost the Weight?

 

“When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.”  – Anthony J. D’Angelo

Today I awoke baffled and began reflecting on two blogs I wrote a few days ago titled Why and the Pursuit of Ketosis- Day 4.  After reading those blogs, my inner Sales Manager would have hired me for the position of Successful Dieter in a New York Minute.  So, why haven’t I lost the weight?

I quickly decided that there must be more to this journey than just eating a specific number of calories daily, exercising, and weighing myself.  Hmmm.  Exasperated by this sixteen-year journey, nothing came to mind. I thought to myself, “What question would I ask if I was interviewing a potential new hiree? I know, I would ask them to walk me through the times in their life when they had gained substantial weight”.

I knew my answer. For me, there was this one time in college……  I walked into my Dad’s house expecting to go for a bike ride or breakfast.  Instead, he was standing very firmly at the top of the stairs.  “You are going to break up with that guy today,” he said.  I had been dating my high school-turned-college boyfriend for well over three years when my Dad caught wind that he had done something most Dad’s wouldn’t approve of.  Within a second we were in a standoff.  My Dad’s forehead was so red and veins I didn’t know he had were popping out.  And then he calmly said, “If you continue to so much as talk to him, you will not see another dime of my money and that means no college tuition”. I left his house in shock.  A week later the letter saying my tuition hadn’t been paid came in the mail.  I had days to come up with the money or I would need to withdraw from the semester!  I made an appointment with the financial aid office.  Being the only child of a man who had the means to pay for several college students tuitions,  didn’t help my case with the financial aid office.  Luckily the financial aid counselor had a big heart and found a way to help me out with a fraction of my tuition.  Within days I had three jobs:  working 20 hours a week at a bank, 10 hours a week at dog track as a mutual teller, and cocktail waitressing at a bowling alley.  I had already committed to rushing a sorority and continued full throttle with that only missing one rush event. And as for my grades, 15 credits and just shy of a 4.0.  Ask me about my weight – net weight gain of 32 pounds in one semester!

I did reach a good healthy weight once in this sixteen-year journey.  It was shortly after my Dad passed.  The weight just fell off.  I remember weighing in at Weight Watchers and seeing the look on the facilitators face. I’m sure she was deciding between giving me my award a 50 pounds lost key chain or dialing 1-800- anorexia helpline.  With a bewildered look on her face, she asked what I was doing to lose so much weight so quickly.  The tears poured from my eyes as I said, “I’m broken hearted”.  As soon as the mourning started to lift, a new character surfaced: Autism.  Autism rolled into my life like a hurricane. My Son looked so sickly, had a huge distended stomach, didn’t poop for days, lost speech, didn’t sleep for more than two hours at a time, had extreme sensory issues, and the impulsive and aggressive behavior was dangerous and scary.  Everywhere I went, I felt like people were judging my parenting skills and my Husband and I were not seeing eye to eye on our parenting approaches.  I was net 60 in less than a year and a half.

And then there was this one time about a year and a half ago,  my life was, dare I say, in balance.  I walked an hour a day, made it to my yoga mat at least twice a week, lifted weights 2-3 times a week, and journaled about 1500 calories a day on myfitnesspal and dropped substantial unwanted pounds.  I accepted a job I thought sounded fun and easy enough.  I would be working for a great company and with a dynamic team.  The position itself wasn’t stressful but there were always a lot of balls in the air and a pretty demanding travel and social schedule.  I enjoyed the position but it definitely threw my family out of balance and life at home got really chaotic.  Ask me how many pounds I gained in less than 4 months – 37.

There is a common theme in all of these situations and I’m sure she is part of the root cause of my weight gain.  I’ll introduce you to her soon but be prepared, I’m next to positive you won’t like her one bit.

 

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15 thoughts on “But Why Not? Why Haven’t I Lost the Weight?

  1. I want you to write a book. You keep my interest. Not many things keep me interested! Thank you for sharing your struggles!

    1. Thank you! I’m so happy you are enjoying the blogs. Please share with anyone you know who might enjoy them!

  2. oh! I feel you! I tend to eat when I am nervous, bored, sad or anxious. But I have found the key to stay healthier is not dieting, but a lifestyle change. I watch what I eat and I have become extremely cautious of the ingredients in some foods.

  3. Weight has always been a huge underlying struggle for me my entire life. I am always up or down depending on how life is treating me at the time, or how inspired or motivated I feel. Maybe one day I will be as brave as you are, and able to share my trials and tribulations in this department.

  4. I have found that I stress eat. I can be absolutely not hungry at all, but will eat just because I am overwhelmed. Story of my life this summer! I am ready for routine and bring back to my health conscious self!

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